


On the Care and Keeping of Rowboats (Or Not)

by momijizukamori



Category: Oglaf
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-22
Updated: 2011-12-22
Packaged: 2017-10-27 18:55:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/298948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/momijizukamori/pseuds/momijizukamori
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Why did using Ivan as a rowboat seem like a good idea, anyway?</p>
            </blockquote>





	On the Care and Keeping of Rowboats (Or Not)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [byzantienne](https://archiveofourown.org/users/byzantienne/gifts).



The Mistress, Sandoval thought, had excellent taste. For a human, anyway. The feast her servants set out before them was exquisite, and the pheasant in particular looked downright _fuckable_. He was getting hard just thinking about it, even. He reached under the table and palmed his erection through his trousers. Ah, that was exquisite too. A pity the apprentice had not been invited - that would have been the cherry of perfection on the whipped cream of delight that was his current mood. Still, one couldn't have everything. He reached for the wine instead, giving it a small sip to test it's flavor. An excellent choice - though it was missing just the hint of something. Ah, right - humans were a bit touchy when it came to poisons in their dining. Silly of them, most of them weren't _that_ deadly. Usually. He slipped a vial out of his pocket, and added it to the goblet. Another sip - perfect.

Then the feast actually began, and he was rather rapidly distracted from the tragic lack of apprentice by the plethora of excellent food. More wine came, and he kept drinking as he ate. Dinner was replaced by dessert, and with it, more drinks. Some of the other guests began to leave, but by Sandoval’s standards, the evening had just begun. They still had all night, really. And the wine and chocolate was making a comfortable pool of warmth in his stomach. The conversation turned a little more fanciful. One of the noblemen - too old, so Sandoval had not bothered to learn his name - recounted how he’d had his servants dressed up as chess pieces, and played a whole afternoon with them. The other nobles seemed to like that, but Sandoval had to resist the urge to roll his eyes at how dreadfully passe it was.

It did, however, give him the seed of an idea. Living chess pieces was boring and overdone - it was, after all, a simulation of infantry warfare, and using people wasn't particularly interesting or innovative, but perhaps... There _was_ the lake. Battleship! The broad spectacle of naval combat sprawled in his mind - sweeping sails, broadsides fired, strategy played out on open waters - but with people as the ships. He would, perhaps, have have to have a trial run. And for that, he required his own game piece.

He ignored the rest of the nobles, and swept imperiously towards the Mistress, who was watching the conversation with a disinterested look.

"I require your apprentice!"  
An eyebrow went up. "Oh? What for?"  
"I wish to ride him."  
There was a contemplative pause before she answered. "I have a dragon, you know. It's much... _bigger_. In more than one way."  
Sandoval dismissed the notion with a quick gesture of his hand.  
"No, no, everyone's had a dragon ride these days. It must be Ivan. Nobody else would make such a fetching rowboat."  
The other eyebrow came to join the first. "...Rowboat?"  
"Yes, of course! Where am I going to find sails this time of night? Now send for him at once!" His voice got louder and more imperative with each command, though the slight slurring care of his drink somewhat mitigated the effect. The Mistress sighed.  
"I'll have him summoned."

***

While the Mistress went to go drag that adorable little apprentice out of whatever hidey-hole he was currently in, Sandoval marched straight back to his quarters to attire himself _properly_ for this expedition. Not that he was ill-dressed at the moment - being an ambassador required constant attention to such details, though in reality this was mostly an excuse to own lots of very expensive clothing. But a captain was different from an ambassador, and thus, a different uniform was required. As well as an excellent hat. He couldn't remember quite why, at the moment, but the hat was very important.

Thankfully, he had just the thing. The jacket was a touch disused - he'd had it made for some court function and hadn't worn it since, but it had nice shiny gold buttons down the front. Quite suitable. And then, ah, the hat. That had been a gift... probably... he thought? The wine was making everything a little fuzzy - though that could have been his additives. It didn't matter anyway. What mattered was that the hat was magnificent. The perfect shade of rich, velvety blue, like the sky at night, and it's _curves_... He ran a hand along them, and shivered happily. It was perfect. It was a _captain's_ hat. With this on his head, he could sail any sea, brave any storm. He would be unstoppable.

Provided his vessel was ready, anyway.  
***  
"Aah! My mighty steed has arrived!"

Ivan gave his Mistress a slightly nervous look. "I thought you said he wanted a rowboat?" She shrugged, obviously unfazed. "A steed of the water, as it were. An inanimate steed of the water. Don't keep him waiting."

Ivan gave the Ambassador a small, awkward wave, and Sandoval immediately brightened.

"Come, the night is waning! We must make haste while there's still time!" Ivan thought better of asking why exactly they had to make haste, knowing he most likely would not enjoy the answer very much, and grimly trooped after the Xoan, who was practically skipping towards the lakeshore. There was a servant waiting there with oars, which Sandoval could not quite recall requesting, but appreciated all the more for that. He took them with a slightly manic grin, and then gestured at Ivan. "Now, get into the water. On your stomach, I think, that will be easier."

Ivan glanced back at his Mistress, whose glare confirmed that yes, he still had to do it, and then complied with trepidation, paddling out into the water carefully. Sandoval followed, wading in up to his thighs with the oars before climbing onto Ivan's back. The apprentice, head now half-submerged, made a surprised glub, but Sandoval paid it no mind, settling himself comfortably astride the other man. He had to admit, he rather liked the intimacy of riding of Ivan. Even fully clothed, this was closer than they usually got to be. It nearly distracted him from getting the oars into place, but he managed, and pushed them off into the lake, as Ivan continued to glub.

***

Half an hour later, a thoroughly soaked Sandoval crawled his way onto the shore. His jacket had lost one of it's gold buttons somewhere, though thankfully, the hat was intact, if dripping. One of the servants handed him a blanket, which he accepted with blank instinct. The oars and the apprentice were both still floating in the lake, but he was having trouble remembering that at the moment. Or piecing much of what had occurred together. He also felt rather like he was about to be sick.

"I don't remember why I thought that would be fun."

**Author's Note:**

> The ending scene is from the the comic that served as the inspiration for it [which is here](http://www.oglaf.com/goodship/1/), NSFW. Many thanks to my betas for helping me whip this into shape.


End file.
